So I've been thinking about what to type tonight and I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to talk about my roomie.

     So my roomie. Wow, there's so much to say about her. We've known each other since 7th grade but we really didn't start hanging out till about Freshman year in high school... She's pretty dang awesome. And yes while she did prompt me to write this blog post about her, I'm still going to do it with kindness in my heart.

   She's one of the most Godly people I know. She is so strong in her faith that it's inspirational. She has a wonderful family (Though they are a little crazy sometimes, who can honestly say that their family is normal? And if your family really is normal, how fun is that???) and they love and support her in everything she does.
  
     When we first started hanging out, I was kind of lost in my faith. I mean I still believed in God and still knew he was always there for me, but I was lost. And she basically turned me around. She reintroduced me into churches along with the help of some of my other friends and just got me back on track. She's always there for me and I am always there for her.

     She's one of my best friends and I couldn't ask for anybody better. She can be goofy with me, she can help me through things and she also knows she can slap me out of it when I'm being completely dumb. I love that girl! So this blog is 100% no make believe here :)

     So please continue to pray for strength for the both of us, while we travel on our trek through life :)
    

Don'tDressLikeACarcass.

     We've all heard it. "Oh My gosh! I always attract the sleazy guys never a good one!". Well I would like to lend those girls some information that could possibly help their situation, If you do NOT want to attract the vultures I advise that you do not dress like a Carcass. Just saying... There is no need for you to be wearing short jean shorts that are short enough to be underwear, shirts that are low enough for you to flash the world, and skirts that are short enough for you to show the whole wide world what your mother gave you. I don't understand the concept of dressing in such a way. Maybe it's the pressure to give into what society tells you is "hip", maybe it's because you have a low self esteem, or maybe all you really want is that Vulture to come pick at you like a dead piece of meat. But if it's the first two, I promise there is no reason for a respectable young lady to dress in such a way.

     I understand that society is constantly pressuring girls of all ages to dress older and wear less. It's basically for stores to have marketing tactics. The stores pay the media to portray their slutty clothes as cool, and seeing your favorite store sell something like that and then seeing other girls wearing it, makes you want to give into that. It's like when I said I would never wear Tom's because they were ugly, well I wear them now. I saw them on so many people and in so many ads and the desire to "fit in" because almost unbearable and you start to consider doing/wearing things that you never would have in the first place. Now for those of you who are reading this and are saying "Oh, well I'm unique and I've never wanted to fit into mold" sorry, but you're slightly wrong. Everybody has this passion to be loved and to fit in and to have that "group" you can call yours. And though you aren't aware, your mind tells you that you won't be another clone of society if you only buy 1 pair of Tom's, or 1 pair of Sperry's, or if you buy that over priced Coach purse just because everybody else has one. And buying things like that is okay! There is no reason for you not to buy something you like just to avoid "Having the same thing she has". It shouldn't be an issue, if you like it, buy it. Simple as that. But to dress like a carcass in the name of "fitting in" or "showing off" is a little ridiculous. Do you really think that when you wear your booty shorts and cleavage reaveling shirt, that some guy will walk past you and say "WOW! She has gorgeous eyes and a wonderful personality! I want to date her because of that!", no. Most of the time when they see that, they aren't exactly thinking the most respectable things. You could go as far to say that the thoughts that pop in their head are more along the line of, "DANG! She looks SEXY! (and not in the respectable sexy way that has more to do with your personality and not your body) I bet if I tell her how HOT she looks, that she'll sleep with me within a month!" You may shake your heads and say, "No, they wouldn't say that..." Well honey, when your shorts are practically invisible and your boobs are hanging out, they will most likely be thinking that, or at least thoughts that no respectable man would think about a respectable woman who is portraying herself in a respectable manner...Unless he's blind that is, then he can't see you anyways. All I'm saying about this is, do not let the pressure of your peers, the media, and society force you to be something you're not.

     Now, for those of you who do it for confidence and self-esteem issues, I have something to tell you as well. You do not need to wear such an attire for you to be noticed. Just throw your shoulders back, lift your head up and smile and I promise you'll feel a tiny boost of confidence just from that. There are some things I'll explain about confidence here in a second on a ways down that will explain in greater detail. But I just want you to know that as long as you love yourself you will be able to find a man who loves you back. Yeah, you may encounter some idiots, some failures, and you may even get dumped. But you are to Never Ever let that get you down. There is no reason that a man should define who you are. Never. If you focus on school, living your life, and loving yourself (not in a concieted way) God will bring that perfect person to you in time. But if you cannot love yourself, what makes you think you will have the confidence to love another. If you do not have confidence in what lies inside of you, you will become a welcome mat for all the dumb boys of the world.  You must have confidence in yourself to succeed.

     Ok, so as I said earlier I am going to explain in further detail on how to acquire self-confidence. No, I'm not promising that you will become the most confident person in the world, but what I will say is that if you try hard and focus on your life and not trying to please others, you will grow.
     There are many reasons that a person's self-confidence can be low... Too many reasons to even list, but I will list a few. Weight, Outter Appearances, a history of failures, a history of crappy guys, fear of failure, fear of not being perfect enough, fear of rejection and any fear in general really. If you're reason is an outer appearance issue, then make yourself feel beautiful. There are other ways to making yourself feel beautiful besides wearing promiscuous clothing. If it's a weight problem try and fix it... I'm not saying go on a radical diet, but if you're unhappy with the way you look you have the power to fix it.. Don't say"Oh I don't have time" because you do. Get up earlier and do some crunches, go walk in the evening, or do some jumping jacks, it doesn't have to be expensive. If you don't like the way makeup looks on you when you do it, but you want to wear it, go to a makeup counter in the mall and they can show you how to do things that look good on you for free. If you don't like your hair, get a color or a new cut, don't be afraid of change it can be a good thing. But if you do color or cut your hair, have a professional do it, because if your bestie does it out of a box or just picks up a pair of scissors, she can really mess your self-esteem worse if she totally botches your hair. Wear clothes that fit your body and work with your body, don't alter your body to fit clothes, they are to alter to you. But just try new things, sometimes change can be a wonderful confidence booster! As far as guys go, don't chase after them like a dog after a ball. Like I said, if you focus on your own life, live your life to the fullest, and just be yourself, God will bring the right person along sooner or later. You just have to have the patience. You must also know that you can NOT let a man define you. He must be a compliment and not somebody that rules your life, nor should he feel the need to abuse you. If you're in an abusive relationship get some help and GET OUT. No man or woman should be abusive towards either person. That gets you nowhere. But please don't let a man define you, he is to be your partner and not your master. You are NOT door mat, do not let him walk on you. And last but not least if you fear failure, know that with success comes failure. Do you think Albert Einstein succeeded the very first time he tried something? No. Life is a trial and error sort of thing, so just be patient and roll with the punches. God Loves you.


     And if nothing else sunk into your brain, I still hope that the whole "don't dress like a carcass thing" sunk in at least.

Following Him.

     The title is not to be taken as something of stalkerish intention. It is to be taken as following Christ. I went to Sunday church for the first time in forever this morning and I got absolutely nothing out of it. I'm not saying the church was a bad church, I'm simply saying that it just wasn't clicking with me. I am not questioning my faith, I'm just questioning if church is a must have in the Christian faith? I realize that the Holy Bible states that they encourage the mingling of fellow Christians,  but if you get nothing out of a church and continue to go for just socializing reasons, is that really what the Bible wants? I mean through the next couple of weeks, I will continue to try out new churches and see if I can find one that fits me and my thoughts. But i still have wonders...?

     We ate dinner tonight and after my friends planned on attending night service, but I've never been one to attend night services. I mean I never have before so why would I feel implied to attend tonight? But in my mind I thought that maybe my friends would question my faith for not going to night service. I mean I didn't go to any service for at least two years, but that did not make me any less of a Christian. So, I don't understand the idea that some have that attending church is mandatory. Can you still have your faith and not attend church? Or do some think that you are less Christian for not attending? Just thought I'd share that wonder with you.

     And for those of you who find that attending church is a mandatory thing, please comment and explain why. I've found nothing saying that we MUST attend church or we will be forever heathens. And I'm not saying that that is what you think of those who do not attend church, but I'd really like to know what you think. I just feel that I have just as much faith as those who attend church even though I do not make a regular apperance in a church itself. I read my Bible, I pray to God every night before bed, and I know in my heart that I am saved.

     So those are the things I wonder.

Theology.

     Theology. It's what we went over in the teen class at church today. Some frown and shake their heads at the thought of learning theology, but I think that we should embrace it. They think it should not be taught, that all it is is nonsense. Well, I guess it just depends on your views and how you were raised. My mom is a wonderful woman and she taught me to have an open mind to everybody and everything and though my mind is open, it still has the ability to close to things that I know are harmful and negative. Theology is not one of them. In my opinion, the only reason to be scared of such a topic or teaching is if you don't feel that your faith is strong enough. I feel I have no reason to fear Theology because I know that I love God and I always will.

     In my mind, theology is something everybody should have a chance to learn. Why, you ask? Well, to me Theology is a learning experience. It simply teaches you the ways that other people and other religions think. It gives you validated information to back up your own religious opinions and beliefs with. I understand that everybody has an opinion, but not everybody wants to listen to it. Especially if that opinion is backed up by no facts or truth, if it is not backed up by something of substantial evidence, then that opinion is merely air coming out of some body's mouth. And when I speak I would like to have an opinion that makes people think I actually may know what I'm talking about. I do not want to be perceived at someone who speaks without a brain to mouth filter. I want to have an educated opinion. I want to have reasons to back up the things I say and the things I believe in. Because if I believe in something that somebody else plants into my brain it isn't a personal opinion/thought, it is the branch of what somebody else has put into my mind. It is not personal, it is not mine, it is not my belief.

     So when you come upon the chance to learn of theology or the chance to learn anything new, take it as a learning experience. Let it challenge your faith. But in the process of letting it challenge you, learn something from it to challenge it back with. A belief with no reason behind it, is like a human body without a spine. It is structureless, it has no "umph" for people to see, and it is basically pointless. Yes, maybe you are the one who just got upset because you're thinking about all of you're beliefs that have no structure but yet you think they're brilliant. Let me tell you something, my brother would constantly argue with me and my opinions, telling me they were dumb, false, and unimportant purely for the fact that there was no truth or information to back them up. I became furious with him, time after time, but then I came to realize that he was right. I needed information to my opinions because without the facts I had nothing but a fluff of clouds. It was not a brilliant idea others would listen to, it made me seem young and naive. But now that I have listened to him, I can actually win an argument because I have the facts and back up information to put along with my opinions. Everybody needs structure. Buildings, bodies, even tape has structure. You just have to find the right stuff to use. And if the "right" stuff seems to be a theology lesson, just listen to it, embrace it and learn from it. Let it challenge your faith and then one day when you feel you have all the information you need to stay strong and when you know that God will always be at your side, Challenge the nay sayers in your life. Challenge them.


    My college campus has all sorts of religion. Catholics, Baptists, Buddhists, Methodists, Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses, and Atheists. I must be able to know what my faith is about and know in my heart that I have my own opinion based upon what I believe is the truth. Please don't take me wrong and think that all the religions I wrote about are not a good religion. Everybody has their own beliefs and I respect that 100%, but if you go to tell me that my religion is not the correct one, I would like you to have some sort of educated opinion to back it up with.

TillDeathDoUsPart

     So for those of you who don't know me, My parental units are divorced. Yeah it sucks but I don't want a pity party. It's just one of those things. God doesn't ever do anything for no reason, there is always a reason behind everything. It happened when I was 11 years old, I know some details but who knows if they're true. I'm kind of at a point in life where when somebody says "I'll tell you when you're older" I want to throw a chair at them and ask, "So you're gonna tell me after you're dead???" Makes no sense to me. I'm an adult, I shouldn't be told that I will be told later because I'm not old enough to hear the truth now. And anything I was told when I was 11 wasn't taken to heart, merely because at that point I was too YOUNG but I also realized that some of the reasons they told me could've been false because they could've been spoken out of anger or resentment towards the other. But now I just want answers, I would like to know why my parents split. Not because I want to take sides. Not because I want to feel sorry for somebody, but because I want to know and deserve to know at least the truth. I've grown up for years with confusion and wonder and now I want some answers. I'm not asking for them to be promptly given to me, but I am at least asking for them to consider telling me within the next few years. I understand if they're hurt or if they want to protect me, but with me being an adult now I should be able to handle anything I ask for. I do not ask this of them to bring out old pains or to dig into the past, I would never want to hurt either of my parents. I just want to know.

     Divorce is something that not only effects the adults, monetary situations, and living situations. If you have animals it effects them, if you have lots of the same friends it effects them, and if you have children it ESPECIALLY effects them.  Kids will wonder if it is there fault and even if you constantly tell them it's not, they still wonder if it is. They try and stay out of your way as much as possible because they're afraid that if they do anything wrong at all that you wouldn't like them and disown them just like you did to your ex-spouse. There is no way to prevent your child from feeling this, there is no way at all except to let them live their life, be there for them, and be civil with your ex. It's one thing to be angry with your ex but you should NEVER EVER let your children see that. If you can't speak to each other, don't. Just do NOT yell at one another with your children present or in ear shot or in a situation where it will get back to them. Never feed them false or degrading information about your ex. Just don't do it.

     I'm not saying that my parents did this because they didn't. They are civil, they talk, and they were constantly there for me. The did all they could seeing as how the situation wasn't ideal. And I applaud them for that. It is very admirable. I just wanted to let all of you know that children do get hurt whether you mean for them to or not. And for all of you parents or adults who intentionally hurt children, you SUCK. 

     I realize this post is so long, but I felt like I just had to write it. I love my parents, I just want the truth. After my parents got divorced my mom married my step-dad. I literally did not like that man. I've learned to respect and even care for him. But when you're 11 years old and you think that your parents have the perfect marriage, then BAM! they're getting a divorce, you become mad at the world. You're mad at them, you're mad at yourself, and you're mad at whoever else comes into the picture. The reason for the last one is because your young mind sees them as replacing whichever parent. And I'm not saying all kids with divorced parents go through this. Some are happy because they didn't like a certain parent and some even use the divorce to their advantage. I mean who doesn't want a double Christmas and double presents? But these are the things and events that happened to ME.

     I love you Mom and Dad. Just sometimes I'm confused and I want to know the whole truth. I want to know if you were unhappy with each other, I want to know the marriage problems, I want to know what y'all did to make each other not love each other anymore. Because though I love you, I want my marriage to last. I want to be that old lady who has been married to her husband for 85 years of her life and is still deeply in love with him. And I understand that sometimes you just can't be with a person anymore, but I just want to know what I need to know to look for in a person so I can BE with them for more than just a few years. I want that fairy tale Love, I want to argue but then realize we were both being dumb and that we still love each other, I want to mean it when I say, "Till Death Do Us Part."

NewBeginnings

    This is my new beginning. The beginning of my blog. The beginning of my journey through life on my own. The beginning of new schooling, new friends, new experiences, new successes, and new failures. Life may not always be the cup of tea that everybody prefers but it's something that we have to experience whether we like it or not. It is your choice to live your life. No one can make it horrible or make it wonderful, that is your choice. Adam Marshall once said "You only live once; but if you live it right, once is enough." So life is what you make it. I've challenged myself to try new things, meet new people, and live my life to the fullest. But, my blog is not to tell people what to do or try and make some inspirational speech. It is to go over the things of my day or anything else I feel like writing about. I may not have correct grammar all the time and my writing skills are not the best but if you care enough to read what I am writing about you probably don't care what myy grammar skills are like. So shall I get started? :)

     Today is my 6th day of college. The first week was all orientation, so classes start in 2 days. Such a feeling. I don't know whether to be super excited or scared. But I think it would be a smart choice to have a healthy dose of both running through my body. It will be an interesting experience though, definitley a change from high school. But, I'm rooming with one of my best friends and so it's been a blast! I love our suitemates and the college is just wonderful. People are friendly and the food is good so that's always a plus.

     I've always thought college would be a scary place. Filled with more cliques and jocks that only want one thing, but in all honesty that's not what I find here. So just a word out to all of those who are entering college or have had the same mental picture that I had, I'm here to tell you that if you go to college for partying and booty you're going to run into things such as that but if you go for a valued education then all things will go well. So please keep in mind that life isn't a horrible thing and that life is what you make it.