LetThemBeACompliment

     So, I've been seeing a lot of girls lately cry over guys. And yes, I understand the tears and the pain of going through a breakup (Especially if y'all were best friends and/or had been dating for years), but a lot of these girls have only dated the guy for a few days/weeks/months... And in some of the cases they barely knew the guy they were dating so that brings me to think many things about said situation.

     I'm going to give a scenario, it may be slightly extreme by your measures but in all reality these are the things I'm seeing: Okay, so this girl walks into Wal-Mart, gets her stuff and goes to the check out line. Her cashier is this handsome guy with a great laugh/personality/looks/whatever so she starts to flirt with him and to her surprise/pleasure he flirts back. Now as the old lady behind her with only two things begins to get impatient, they exchange numbers because the guy said he thought she was cute/nice/yaddah yaddah, so the girls leaves with his number and he now has hers. They text that night when he gets off work and after about a week of texting he pulls out the big guns and decides to ask her out! She's wonderfully excited because now she has this seems-to-be wonderful handsome boyfriend! So they date for lets say about 2 or 3 months and he starts to tell her that he loves her, that she's the only one for him, that they're soul mates and then all of a sudden things die down.... She wonders where the sparks have gone and she desperately trys to rekindle them, in the process of attempting to rekindle the first initial feelings of their puppy love, he feels as if his freedom is "limited" or that he doesn't like to be "tied down", so he breaks up with her. Her heart is broken, so she says, she feels as if she can never recover from the pain and agony and she spends many nights uselessly groveling at his feet for him to come back that she can change whatever she did wrong.

     I realize how extreme that situation sounds, but in all reality I know girls who endure this time and time again and I shake my head, but stand by them, I just have to tell them the same thing I always tell them. A guy should never be the definition of who you are but rather he should be a compliment of who you truly are.

     I don't understand how these girls came to the notion that after talking to a guy for a week and assuming he's Mr.Right, that you should jump right on board the Dating Wagon... I don't think I was ever instilled with those notions... The way I was raised was different I guess. I believe that you should be friends first (good friends) then date later... Yeah, you have that risk of losing your friendship if you break up but think about it, if you were truly great friends in the beginning, then a breakup will hurt for a while then the realization that you're better off just being friends will kick in and everything will be okay. That is the scariest feeling, that jumping off the cliff of just friendship into the pool of so much more, but it can also be the most wonderful feeling in the world. To get to know someone well before dating them is vital, in my opinion. If you get to know them, then you figure out what they're truly like. If y'all become friends and he is always commenting on a  girls rear end or chest in front of you, saying he'd "tap that", do you really think he would be 100% loyal to you even in his thoughts? I'm not saying guys aren't allowed to look, because they are and so are girls, but what I'm saying is that you have to use your judgement. Be friends with him and if he turns out to be like that, then just stay friends, no more no less. Because even though you don't have a boyfriend, you just gained another friend.

    Dating is probably one of the most scary things in the world to endure, you're basically connecting yourself with another person in the hopes of finding your "soul mate", granted even if you are friends before and you felt like everything was going great, it can end in the blink of an eye, but at least you tried and you used logic... Sometimes things are inevitable and we just have to live through that. But one of the reasons break ups are so difficult is because three little words have been said; "I love you.". Those words can take your relationship to a whole new level, good or bad, but those words have also been thrown around so much in some peoples lives that they no longer mean anything to that person. Some people even go as far as using those words to gain sex or other attention from a person. But if they are said with the best intentions, then those words can set your heart ablaze with passion and take your relationship to a deeper level for the both of you. Though they are very meaningful, they should be used with caution. I've always said that "You should only say 'I Love You' to your bf/gf when you're ready to marry them or you can see yourself marrying them." Yes, I realize it's a little extreme but using those words as an everyday phrase for more word count is a little extreme.

     Relationships are basically logic and understanding. Use your brain! Think things through! Evaluate your situation! Now, even though it seems as if I wrote this blog to bash young love and say how stupid it is to say I love you and that boys are stupid and girls are dumb, I didn't. I am in a relationship as well. I knew my boyfriend for 5 years before dating him, though I do have to say for the first 3 years of that we didn't talk much, I just knew who he was and we just had casual conversations. I worked a camp called NYLT (National Youth Leadership Training) and he was a participant in the first year I taught it. Then the next year I think he worked it and the third and last year I worked it, he was pretty much the head honcho for that course. He kind at summer camp here and there and he worked our camps in October, so that's when we started talking and not like "talking talking", but talking and becoming better friends. He was funny, smart, hard working, dependable, a great listener, and just all around wonderful. He was a great friend to me... Then around August (right after our 3rd NYLT) we started to talk even more... We talked on Facebook and we texted each other a lot and he told me that he was interested in somebody and I, seeing as how I am curious by nature, became very curious about this. I kept asking who it was and he wouldn't tell me! He gave me a couple of clues, such as that he had worked with her a camp before, so I started rambling off names of the girls he and I had ever worked with at camp. Every time I guessed he would say I was wrong, I was becoming more and more perplexed. This kept going on through August to September, during this we talked more and more often. And sometime in September is when I finally figured out that the only girl left was me, though that thought had always been in the back of my mind. I was SO nervous! I had never had a boyfriend and I didn't know what to do or say... so we continued to talk, but not dating yet, then I remember this part clearly. It was Sunday, October 11, 2009 and I had just finished cleaning camp from the Family Adventures session so the smell of bleach and other cleaners lingered in my nose. My dad had parked outside of Central Lodge and he had gone in. I stayed out in the truck with the door open and my feet propped on it... I found this wrench thing and I was messing with it and texting him, by this point I had already told them that I thought it was me and he had agreed that yes, I was the one he liked. So as I sat there texting him, he asked me if I wanted to date him. (he later actually asked in person) I was so excited/nervous/scared, but I said yes. My smile stretched so wide, but we wanted to wait till the next weekend to tell anybody, so we did. He is now my boyfriend of basically two years and it is the best relationship I could ask for. Yes, we argue and have our quarrels but in the end we know that we will always be there for each other.

     Another thing that makes breaking up hard is the fact that girls sometimes feel that it is necessary to give their Vcard to a boy, just to keep him. Well let me tell you something ladies, if he says "I love you" and he really means it then having you as a girlfriend should be enough. You shouldn't have to prove that you love him by having sex with him. Everytime you have sex with somebody, you are basically giving away a part of your soul you will never get back. I am a strong believer in waiting until you're married to have sex, then you will be giving yourself to your husband and you will be able to give him all of your soul, not just what you didn't give to Bob and Joe and Sam. So be careful with what you do, because your innocence and purity is something that is very very hard to get back physically. I do believe that God can make you mentally pure but you will never be able to gain back physical purity. Sex doesn't make a realtionship and I am proud to say I still have my V card and will have it until I'm married. People have this idea that because I've been in this relationship with my boyfriend for so long that I have had sex with him, well that is not the case. You do NOT need sex to stay happy in a relationship, and if you do, then something is not right.


     So all I am trying to say is that when you are in a reltationship, let your boyfriend or girlfriend be a compliment of who you are. Do not let them be your definition. Be careful with the words you throw around in anger and in love, be sure to gaurd your heart and let God lead the way, and secure your body and never let a man or girl into guilting you into something you don't want to do. And if worst comes to worst and you have broken up with someone, be strong, hold your shoulders back and your chin high and know that you can get through the pain and struggle. That you have God helping you through life and that You are Strong.